Week 2, Friday Night

[walktodeath]

[ This sure was a day and then it kept being an evening and now Jester is back. Though Tokiko can't say she approves of his actions, she's not really the type to get mad about the murder of people she had no investment in (and who are alive again anyway). What counts for her is that she got along with Jester pretty well, threats of killing her for insolence aside. What counts to her is that his last words resonated.

So at some point when Jester has safely vacated the car roof during a moment of Dimitri Distraction, Tokiko's moving away from the festivities to seek him out. ]

So. Should it be congratulations or condolences on your revial?

Comments

[sixhearted]

Well, it certainly wasn't the death I had planned, but I also didn't particularly have any desire to come back and see all of you fools after what I said.

[After he revealed his sad and lame wish!!!]

You know, I still have that core on me. I could kill you if I wanted.
[He still has to do his little oooh scary monster routine apparently.]

[walktodeath]

[ He's like a small dog... well, actually, he's like a big dog as she now knows but... the barking... ]

I've decided you're a better person to drink my blood than the other guy I mentioned.

[ And she's absolutely not eager for this to happen either but. ]

So... do you want to?

[sixhearted]

[He's a weird cat. It is known.]

............

What?
[HE WASN'T EXPECTING THIS AT ALL.]

[walktodeath]

Do you want to kill me? Ball's in your court, Jester.

[ She's enjoying this, actually. ]

[sixhearted]

[Ok but he's seriously considering this. Sure, part of his hesitation is the suspicion that this is a trick, but mostly;]

Not as much. It... You don't remind me of my beautiful Assassin. You remind me of myself.
[Saying it with a tone of he's literally realizing this as he says it.]

suicidal ideation cw once more...

[walktodeath]

[ She was aware of the risk for sure, but it was at least a calculated one. Good that the gamble paid off though. Her smile is less taunting now. ]

On paper, we have about as little in common as two people possibly could and yet... it seems like we're seeking the same thing.

I've also constantly been weighing my options between a death of my choosing and the quest to find something that I truly want.

I feel like just blanket warning for that for a while

[sixhearted]

Well, more specifically, you remind me of myself when I was younger.

[He's considering what to say, carefully. He's not one to open up, but he remembers that head pat.]

My reasons for wanting to die back then were different than they are now, and they may well be different than yours. But I know that you don't have to be five hundred years old to lose your will to live.

yeah...

[walktodeath]

I'm not even sure I want to die right now. But as far as a will go live goes...

[ Tokiko shrugs lightly. That's a bit of more vulnerable honesty to repay him for his efforts. ]

And you're still here, even if you felt that way so long ago. Why?

[sixhearted]

Feeling like you want to die is complicated like that, I've found.
[He has a lot of experience. He considers Tokiko for a long moment.]

I said you reminded me of myself when I was young. That isn't just because of our shared wish.

[....]
Once I became a Dead Apostle, I was able to figure out how to change my body. Once I could do that, it solved the problem I had.

[walktodeath]

[ She's not going to ask for specifics here. It is nice to be trusted with as much as he is willing to share and she is glad this worked out for him. ]

It is a lovely ability.

[ Giant werewolf dog included. She means it. ]

And I'm truly grateful you showed it to me out of your own accord. I would have loved to see all of your other shapes, if there'd been oppurtunity.

[sixhearted]

[He's surprised at the compliment to be honest but he doesn't disagree.]

And it's because I could sense you were a young lady of taste and would appreciate the elegance of it! Perhaps at some point we will figure out a way to get our powers back, and I may show you.

[A pause.]

But I am curious what particular tribulation of youth has driven you to this point of despair.

[walktodeath]

I don't think I'm desperate.

[ Yes, she has no true will to live. No, she isn't upset about it or anything. She doesn't even think she's sad. Maybe a little lonely? Maybe.

But she can explain it for Jester. He certainly deserves the answer. ]

There's just nothing that I want to do. From the very start of my life I've prioritized the people around me. Those who give me something earn my loyalty in turn and I will repay them. There were people in my life who gave me lots and lots of things, whom I loved. My father, my friend, one of my sisters...

They're all dead now. My whole family died, a number of them because they couldn't bear being related to me. I'm not upset about that exactly - I'd rather they show their honest hatred and act on it as they desire than put on a brave face.

It may just be that they all died because I truly am cursed. After all, I was informed that I don't have a soul. I may never have had it. So quite possibly my brother was right when he tried to kill me to protect the rest of the family from my curse. It was in vain, of course.

Well, no matter. Whatever the case may have been, I have nothing left. Nothing I love, nothing I owe anything to.

This leaves me in a state of being able to freely decide on my next step... I can make the decision that makes me happiest.

And if there's nothing worth living for, then that choice may simply be death.